TMI Tuesday – 22 January 2019

1. What was your favorite part of yesterday?

I was going to say that it was starting rehearsals for a play that I’m going to be in, but then I realised it wasn’t that at all. I was called into a meeting with my boss and a (slightly) more junior colleague. He is the single most repulsive individual I’ve ever worked with, and it was because his ‘office banter’ is straight out of a 1970s sitcom. He refers to people by description (the tall blonde (female) one, the little fella, the Irishman, and my personal favourite ‘the little blonde girlie in the main office who, for some reason, got Employee of the Year last year’), uses incredibly sexist and patronising language (calling female colleagues ‘dear’ and worse) and has used the phrase n****** in the woodpile in front of me, twice. I’d mentioned it to the boss on a number of occasions, to his face and by email, and explained exactly the shitstorm of HR pain and grief that was coming his way if he didn’t do something about it.

The colleague was appropriately rebriefed, and I then had to take him aside and explain exactly why his comments were unacceptable. He played the ‘it wasn’t me, it was him too’ card, and I got to slap that down hard too. I’m not sure it went in, so he’s not going to be long in the company.

2. If you could make your own porn movie, what would you call it? Would you write it, direct and/or star in the movie?

The Cuddle Puddle – it’d have all the wonderful range of people we play with in kink clubs. All ages, all gender presentations, all bisexual. Men DPing women with their cocks and a strap-on, boys and girls playing together with enthusiasm and abandon in all configurations, tattoos, scars, bellies, women spit-roasting men (not for the power play, just for the sheer fucking fun of it). Watersports, feathers, dress-up, spankings, all the players taking joy in the giving of pleasure, not the taking of it.

I don’t think I’ve seen that outside the realm of indie, ethical porn producers like Four Chambers, or all the cool stuff on Pink Label, and there needs to be a lot more of it in the world.

3. What do you like the least about sex?

Finding the opportunity to do it without inhibition. That’s not just to do with the surroundings and kids in the house – I’m also aware that @NotMuchofaMuse still has to give me a slap on the bum and tell me to get on with stuff I’m hesitant about giving myself permission to do.

4. So, now what are you planning to do?

I’m about to have a VTC with out company’s CEO to explain to them the view of the management and operation of the company from the ground floor. I’m going to be telling the whole group that we’re hideously behind the curve on Diversity and Inclusion, but I’m not going to be telling them all that I’ve put together a plan for a Pride network that should have been established 10 years ago (I’m not really out at work – it’s coming, just not yet).

5. If you were a box of cereal, what would you be and why?

The sort that’s really a bacon roll with a thick slice of black pudding in it.

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