Sticking a toe out of the closet

I take a significant amount of pride in being a robust, well balanced individual with a broadly trustworthy moral compass and little fear of consequences because of all of the above. I’m out as queer to my partner and a circle of friends (and you lot, obvs.). I’m not out at work, although I’m a reasonably prominent ally.

Today I outed myself to a colleague. She is absolutely the safest person in the building to out myself to – she’s prominent in the Pride network of her company. Here’s the thing though.

I didn’t intend to do that.

I mean, it wasn’t an inadvertent disclosure. We were talking about the Pride network and allies, and I thought clearly for about a quarter second before before I said,

“I’m not out at work yet.”

And then there was a sphincter tightening moment, and a brief wave of nausea. She, of course, accepted it without comment or judgement and a few minutes later asked “Poly?”, to which I replied “Kind of, but pan mostly”

It wasn’t a thing, except that it really, really, was a thing.

I’m glad that I did it, I don’t think I overshared because it was in the context of the conversation, but I’m going to need to have a bit of a reflect on how I’m going to manage this stuff going forward.

I’ve got a post sketched out for later on the weird intersection of white cismale privilege and queerness. I’ve got a feeling that there’s a fuck load more intersection than is generally discussed, but in the field I work in, it’s absolutely a vanishingly tiny thing, like homosexuality in professional footballers.

Question for later reflection. Do I have the minerals to be the first to stand at that intersection in my company? To stick a fuck off huge rainbow flag into the ground and say ‘Here I am. This is me. Be the real you.’ I mean, I know I’m capable of it, but am I willing to live with the consequences? What are the consequences?

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Raoul Duke

I'm queer. I've identified as queer for about a month before I started this blog, but the path from "maybe not entirely straight" to now has been about 3 months - yeah, whoosh. The thing is that this has always been there - less repressed than unrecognised, I think. I'm going to talk about my journey, my history and some of the shits'n'giggles and personal challenges that have come along with this. I hope it's a conversation.

2 thoughts on “Sticking a toe out of the closet”

  1. Good for you! There is no one correct path for this kind of thing. I believe the most important thing is being honest with ourselves and our (romantic/intimate/sexual/emotional/whatever kind of) partners, but how much anyone else needs to know is variable. It is so personal and there are so many factors involved. We’ll all be cheering you on as you find the path that is right for you!

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    1. Yes, she’s my romantic/intimate/sexual/emotional/every fucking other kind of partner, and she knows me better than anyone else on the planet. The rest is just… stuff. Let’s see where this all ends up!

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